Removing the Mask: Kate Washington, Austen Riggs Former Patient, 2008 – 2010

“I felt hostage to my symptoms,” said Kate Washington as she reflected upon trying to live with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or OCD as it’s known more colloquially. “What I mean by that is, there was me, the person Kate, and then there seemed to be the uncontrollable effect that OCD had upon me.”

Beginning with the onset of panic attacks at age four, her symptoms increased over the course of her youth, bringing distressing levels of anxiety and thoughts of taking her life. By the time she was a sophomore in college, she had reached a breaking point.

“I had been inpatient a number of times, I tried outpatient therapy, I tried an intensive outpatient program, psychiatry. It was not getting to the crux of the issue well enough.” At the recommendation of her therapist, she turned to Riggs, where the open-setting residential program bridges the gap between inpatient and outpatient treatment.

When Kate came to the Center in May 2008, she was just a couple months past her 20th birthday. Arriving the evening before her admission interview, she looked upon the quiet streets of Stockbridge with despair. “I remember walking around the block crying, and thinking to myself, ‘I can’t live in a town this small. I don’t know how I’m going to do this.’” (Spoiler Alert: The “sleepiness” of Stockbridge would play a key role in Kate’s recovery, providing an environment in which she could slow down and focus on her treatment.)

Her first day was a whirlwind. While detailing where she was in her life and emotional state during her admission consultation, she worried that “I was not the right material for Riggs.” Nervously awaiting the assessment of the therapist reviewing her case, she said he assured her “This is all very doable. Welcome to your future.”[The Admission Consultation is the culminating stage in a series of telephone, video, and sometimes in-person conversations between prospective patients and the admissions team. From these extensive interactions, the patient gets to know Riggs and Riggs gets to know the patient. As a result, approximately 90% of prospective patients are offered admission after the final consultation.]

Two other items from that day still stand out for Kate nearly 20 years later. The first was meeting the nursing team. At the Inn Residence, nurses play a critical role in the patients’ lives, with staff available around the clock, seven days a week. “The nursing staff was particularly thoughtful. I felt like I was speaking to a very understanding human.”

The second was her tour of the Lavender Door and the Activities Program, which provides the opportunity for patients to take up the role of student and explore creating ceramics, visual arts, woodworking, fiber arts, and theater, as well as working in the Center’s greenhouse and nursery school.

As an undergrad majoring in theater, Kate was immersed in the subject and aimed to make it her life’s work. However, her first reaction to seeing the Riggs theater program was visceral and intense. “It was too painful to go back to what was supposed to be my career.” 

With time though, what was once pleasurable, then painful, became pleasurable and meaningful again to Kate. She joined several productions and worked closely with Theater Director Kevin Coleman, with whom she credits for “reviving my interests in theater and acting, let alone becoming a more whole person.” 

All Riggs patients begin with the six-week intensive evaluation and treatment program, an immersive period that aims to help them make sense of what they are struggling with and to find a way forward. Some return to outpatient care after the six weeks, most, however, elect to continue their treatment at Riggs, using the environment to gain greater knowledge of themselves and their relationships.

The first six weeks for Kate were a mixture of challenges and triumphs. She constantly kept in mind the financial stresses her treatment had on her parents and how that could potentially impact how long she could stay. (The Riggs residential program is not in network with insurance providers. As a result, the amount of coverage a person can receive varies according to their specific policy.) On the other hand, Kate said her ability to connect with fellow patients helped her settle into Riggs. While acknowledging the importance of four-times a week individual therapy, Kate said the essential lesson she learned from the community was how to work as a group and how to open up to others.

At her case conference, in which clinical staff gathered to share their findings from the first six weeks and make recommendations consistent with patient goals, Kate said one of the clinician’s notes described her as “being icy.” But the assessment continued to note that through her work, the “mask has begun to dissolve; she lets people in, to allow them to affect her.”

“At the time I was like, ‘Who's writing this?’ This is so, this is so much. But it's true that there was an exterior that had to fall for me to allow people to matter to me.”

In addition to joining the theater program, Kate participated in the Community Events Board in the Therapeutic Community Program, which is run jointly by patients and staff, and centers on organizing group recreational activities throughout Stockbridge and the surrounding areas. “I credit my peers, other patients, for showing me, frankly, how I can have a good time, sort of seemingly in the middle of nowhere.”

Both the Riggs community and the less frenetic Stockbridge environment provided the space for Kate to reset her pace. “I needed to slow down everything. And I did, and that's why the sleepy town of Stockbridge really suited me.”

By August of 2010, Kate felt secure in the progress she had made at Riggs and was keen to move on with her life after discharging. “Riggs offered me the skills and environment to find engagement again in my world and the world as a whole. ”In 2012, she completed her undergraduate theater degree and then came back to the Berkshires for an internship and full-time job at the renowned Shakespeare & Company.

Kate returned home in 2017 to help her parents when her dad was struggling with terminal cancer. Three days after his death, her mom received a similar diagnosis and Kate stayed with her through hospice.

Reflecting upon that period, she credits her experience at Riggs, particularly the support from friends who were also Riggs alumni and her continued outpatient work with Dr. Edward Shapiro, for being able to overcome the challenges of this period. “I don't think I could have gone through what I witnessed if I did not have the foundation of Riggs that helped me.”

In 2020, Kate went back to college to pursue a master’s in social work, completing the degree and earning her license in 2022. In her practice she notes an irony that employers and insurance providers place a strong emphasis on skills-based treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), while downplaying psychodynamic psychotherapy.

“In my work, I see the pressure employers and insurance companies are placing on getting ‘results.’ And for some cases, skills-based treatments can work well. So, Riggs might not be the answer for everyone. For me, however, the psychodynamic approach and the community experience opened the door to such significant personal growth. It was the solution to the problem.” 

If you are a former Riggs patient who benefitted from treatment at the Center and would like to share that experience with others, please contact John Zollinger, Director of Communications, at: john.zollinger@austenriggs.net or 413.931.5816. Alternatively, you can fill out this form.